Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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