Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She even gives head with a lisp.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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