Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
