Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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