After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
