WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
