So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
