Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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