Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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