So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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