so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize