i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
