There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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