I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Who died my cat blue again?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
