So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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