so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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