i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
