After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
ttyl tear gas
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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