I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
