i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I am available for nakedness
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
