Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
