Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
