Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
