remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
