I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
