Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Your dad touched me again.
I think I won the penis lottery.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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