im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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