Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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