The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
