Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
