i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
