Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
