areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
