It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
