he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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