he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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