so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
