Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
