I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
