Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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