You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize