Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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