You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
