I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
