Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
