haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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