just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
