how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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