Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
