what day is it and did you see me today?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize