i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize