what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
there is glitter all over my balls
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
