I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize