I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
