Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I have aggressive nipples.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
