big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
