she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I deserve this hangover.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
