no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Randomize
