They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
