Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
