I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize