You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
