So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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