It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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