All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Brb crying the tears of my youth
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
