we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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