I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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