Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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