Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
