The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
