i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
