i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
So squirting runs in the family.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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